06:02pm, Sunday 13 May 2001
The unhappiness isn't just with us - its all in our heads. We think we don't deserve to be happy so we put up with sub-standard lives because we think that is the best we deserve... but is that true? does everyone deserve to be happy?
Maybe there will always be things we hate about ourselves - perhaps we need to hate things about ourselves in order to judge what is good and what is bad. Seriously, would we know what to do if we were happy? We'd feel so out of place and lost. If that's true, why are we feeling so lost now? We're certainly not happy now.
Is the yearning for someone else (a specific person) what keeps us going? Is it the thought of you that keeps me going? Is it the feeling that no matter how bad things get, the fact that we feel this strongly about someone else means we're alive ? Are feelings what seperate us from the mundane aspect of life?
Is this as good as it gets? One fucking hopes not. God, we miss you.
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