10:40pm, Friday 27 Jun 2003
Song of the Day: Kristin Hersh - Your Ghost
Life’s been a series of ups and downs here.
Today I went for my first techie-based job interview – something involving Access I could have done standing on my head. The job sounded perfect – anything to get away from admin roles. It paid a whole lot less than being a secretary, but I didn’t mind.. I figured job happiness and satisfaction is way more important.
I was so damn excited about this job. I’m dying to get out of admin and get my hands onto something with more of a challenge. I’ve never really had bad job interviews.. most of the ones I’ve been to have either been such a great interview I got the job, or so mediocre I couldn’t really understand what they might have thought lacking in me. Today was my first interview from hell.
I got there on time, with no apparent warning of what was coming via my usual sets of omens (bad hair day, missing the bus, dropping my travelcard in front of a crowd of people etc). I got shown a computer and was told to take a Benchmark Access test. It was bloody hard and this was for a junior role. Actually, I didn’t do too badly at it.
The next part was a practical “project” which involved me having to write some code behind a form to populate a listbox. Sounds easy, right? Wrong.
The machine I got crashed every 10 minutes, in the middle of me writing code. I couldn’t remember the exact syntax for opening a recordset, and attempts to open the help file crashed the machine. On top of this, windows would keep popping up and wanting to install an update, which was very distracting.
Needless to say, I couldn’t even start the bloody project because of the recordset thing. I battled it out for 45 minutes (and numerous restarts involving complete loss of code that I wrote) before I gave up and told them I couldn’t do it. They just gave me a look and said “we’ll be in touch”. I swear, I’ve never failed as spectacularly as that before.
So I trudged back here to my day (admin) job and continued whatever boring mindless work I was doing before and I began to doubt myself. My chest starts to feel tight, I feel nauseous and I want to cry at how unfair it all is. I open my email and there’s something from my boyfriend which tells me he wants to “talk” which given our recent email exchanges means he wants to end it (don’t blame him.. who could carry on a relationship this far apart?).. so I thank god its Friday and hope for something better tomorrow.
They say everything will work out in the end, and if its not working out.. its not the end. God I hope so.
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