04:30am, Monday 16 Jun 2003
Song of the Day: Placebo - The Bitter End
Well, here I am. After months (or was it years?) of planning and dreaming, I have arrived in London.
Actually, I've been here for a month.. but what with the job and the flat thing I've not had much time to think about things. Its only now that I'm finding the weekends stretching long ahead that I begin to slow down and think about what I've done.
It's everything that I thought it would be, and nothing like it all at once. It took a while to get settled, but I never really got that 'oh my God I'm in London!' feeling, which may seem disspointing but doesn't feel that way.
Its not entirely different to home - although there are some things that drive me mad (the lack of any kind of service anywhere - shops, banks, whatever... catalogue shopping, the hideous price of everything when you do the conversion, unemployment, nobody is ever happy etc).. and about the only thing working in favour is that its not cold and I'm starting to drink a bit so's not to feel left out!
I spent the first 3 days here, playing the tourist. Things generally cost between 10-15GBP to get in, so I had to be a bit choosy for the time being. I did the London Eye (terrific), Tower of London (equally great), London Dungeon (not so great), Harrods (yawn), Piccadilly Circus (several times now), Trafalgar Square (the best people watching place in town) and have travelled the tube pretty extensively. I spent the next 2 weeks up north at my nan's, hanging out there and off to the pub a fair bit. Got bored with sitting around like a bum so left after a week and a half to head back and look for a job.
Stayed in hostels for another 1.5 weeks, an eye opening experience.. but left when it drove me mad and finally found somewhere to live. Some down and out dodgy places to rent in London, let me tell you! Finally found a suitable place for 350 a month (thats just for my room!) sharing with 3 others.
Its weird sharing a house again after living on my own for so long. My housemates are quiet (take that as you will!) and don't socialise much - luckily for me I have friends here. I thank God I knew some people before I came here - this can be a lonely city if you're looking for anything other than casual sex (which appears to be in abundence.. have *I* led a sheltered life!).
I miss home sometimes, mostly when I'm feeling bored and lonely. I think about past relationships, esp FEB (which not fair to call him that anymore, since I've made my peace with it) who I still keep in contact with (I can't figure that out either). Have heard Placebo's 'The Bitter End' which just reminded me so much of Mike it was all I could do not to laugh at my own surprise.. its funny how you forget about someone and think you're past it and you hear a song or something and it brings it back. As usual, I analyse everything I'm thinking :)
After getting a house, a job was the next thing on my agenda. I've heard it was difficult for some of my friends, and easier for others. The general consensus seemed to be that you needed to be in the right place at the right time. I'm sort of lucky in that I can do IT stuff or admin, so I'm not limited to any one market. After about a week if hitting admin type agencies I got a temp contract at PricewaterhouseCoopers, which I took because I needed the cash mostly, but also cos it doesn't look too bad on my CV.
I live only one overland stop from work (fuck the tube.. if I wanted sardines I would have got a cat!) which is London Bridge. Every day when I am going to work we pass Tower Bridge, which sort of makes me feel like an authentic Londoner.
As for going out, on my budget I try not to too much. The times I have been out have been fun but slightly depressing. Everyone seems to pair off and those that are left over (i.e me, cos I just don't want to) get hit on by all the drunk louts left. I miss my relationship most at these times - I'd say much more on this but am afraid of sharing too much. What I will say is that if Michael & I were meant to be, it will happen in due course. Unfortunately that may mean moving to Melbourne which I'm not entirely sure I want to do. I think for the time being that London is a better choice.
I worry for my mum and my sister. Sarah has her family and can look after herself, but mum is another matter. I think about everything I gave up to get here, especially mum, Michael, and a healthy bank balance.. and I wonder sometimes if it was all worth it. In my heart I feel as though I'm waiting for something bigger here - maybe not an event as such, but a change in attitude which will make me a better person. Don't want much, do I? ;) I certainly have become more self sufficient and brave on my own. Nobody will catch me when I fall, which is both scary and increasingly liberating. At times though, I wish someone was with me.. just so I didn't have to make the decisions all the time.
I keep in touch, mostly by email and SMS.. technology making it so I don't feel so homesick. I call my mum every Sunday to gab.. but all in all, its not as bad as I thought it would be.
"I'd like to think the best of my is still hiding up my sleeve..."
I feel good that I did this though. I feel brave and stupid, all at once.
I went out the other night to a comedy club with some friends. I've never been to one, but this place was exactly how I'd imagined. Those fold up chairs all set in rows, with a table every couple of chairs. An ashtray (yeah, I took it back up again.. gotta quit) and a bottle with a candle jammed in the top. A bar at the end of the room and a caustic MC. Perfect! The comedians were funny, the place soon got smokey, and the alcopops were flowing. Excellent.
Afterwards the chairs were cleared and the place became a dance club. Lame music, and we left when it closed at 2am. (late by London standards, most places close at 11) I made the guys walk me home (about 1/2 an hour away) but I probably could have gotten home by myself. There was alot of people on the streets at that time.
Today I went to Greenwich, to visit the Cutty Sark and the Cutty Sark Hotel (where my mother once lived as a child). I drank a bottle of Becks in tribute.. and marvelled that 3 generations of females in my family had been there. I packed up my shit, and went home. Greenwich is a beautiful place.
back to main
![[newer]](gfx/prev.gif){kind=small}
![[older]](gfx/next.gif){kind=small}